“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”
-Confucius
Rest plus quiet does not equal stopping. It means going slowly. In the act of lying fallow, the ground continues to engage life as the soil replenishes its nutrients and prepares itself for planting again. The action is happening below the surface, out of sight. Just because it is hidden from view does not mean that it stops.
Grieving calls on us to rest, be quiet, and lie fallow for time; it never calls us to stop. If anything, grief continues to propel us into motion. Grief calls for change, for fast becoming aware of things we avoided or let go in pre-loss life, for intense maturation whether we want to or not, for recalibration of our lives, for the reassessment of priorities, and more.
What happens beneath the surface, those things others cannot see, is important and necessary to move through the grief process.
The “get over it and move on” mindset that grief supporters and society toss at grievers ignores the necessary fallowing time grievers need to recover and recommit to life…not just in the first days of bereavement, but throughout post-loss life. Slowing down, resting, finding quiet, recovering…it’s all motion. Hidden and deep.
Thinking is motion. Doing one thing at a time is motion. Even drifting is motion.
The speed at which motion happens is irrelevant.
What matters is engagement.
Keep going. Keep doing. Keep moving.
A.N.Carroll 