“There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk.”-Jean-Paul Sartre
At first, grief days may be a whirlwind of chaos and disbelief. Then they may settle into long stretches populated with questions like ,”What now?” Nights seem longer at first, endless even. One or the other may seem more daunting as you wonder how to get through another day or night without your loved one. Then some days become “good,” and others “bad.” It’s hard to tell what the day will bring.
As the days roll and pass by, we may get bogged down in the bad days or wonder why we haven’t had or can’t have more good ones. We get caught up in the belief that each day is supposed to be better than the last until grief is extinguished and we have no more bad days ever again. This is a social construct placed upon grievers, when this expectation doesn’t remotely fit grief at all.
Each day will be what it is, and maybe it will be a bittersweet mixture of our pre-loss goodness with our post-loss sadness. We must take each day for what it offers us: no more, no less. And we must remember to take only one at a time, not to think too far into the calendar at first. Each day is new in its goodness and badness. A bad today doesn’t ensure a terrible tomorrow. The next day could be uneventful at the least, or maybe even good.
Every morning we have a fresh start, another opportunity to think, to plan, to be sad, or to experience some joy. Each day is new and is not the continuation of the old. Each night is the passing of our day-long experiences into lessons we may draw on in the future. Let each day be unique and avoid holding today responsible for yesterday’s badness. Today has yet to reveal itself, and some small hope or happiness or spark of love may turn the day into something good and supportive and warm.
Let go in the night and awake in the morning with openness to what may await you. Yes, today may be bad, or worse than yesterday. But, it also has the same chance of being better. Let it.